


Hanged Man's Eye

by Justanothersinger



Series: Cards of a Feather [2]
Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: How original, M/M, Oh look another angel au thing, Then again, This is part of a series, aight let's do this, also trigger warnings if any in chapters, and real gay, and tarot cards, sick boys and sad boys doing cute things, that concerns angel boys, things about to get real deep here, you be warned reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-03-19 18:18:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3619602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justanothersinger/pseuds/Justanothersinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stands on the ground staring proudly into the sky, like it belonged to him. Even if his back was bare of the wings that would mark it as his.<br/>"Where are your wings?"</p><p>"If I knew, I wouldn't be here talking to you."</p><p>AU where angels grow their wings out during their teenage years and Shintaro has yet to grow his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why The Devil Cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning for Chapter 0: Attempted Suicide

Hanged Man's Eye   
  
Chapter 0: Why the Devil Cried.

He stands on the ground staring proudly into the sky, like it belonged to him. Even if his back was bare of the wings that would mark it as his. 

What?" His voice is curt and tired, like he's talked a lifetime. Useless empty words that have no meaning.

Haruka knows the feeling.

"Where are your wings?" Haruka asks and there's a look on his face.

It doesn't stay there for long, it flits across his face before he hides it under his blank expression. But Haruka still sees it somehow.

"If I knew, I wouldn't be here talking to you."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

His name is Kisaragi Shintaro and he's Haruka's junior.

He's friends with a girl with wings, a girl with a sweet smile and a scarf that cuts a warm red in the dim winter evenings. Even though her wings are half-unfurled, she walks beside him, casual chattering filling the space between them.

Ayano was fast friends with Takane and by extension, with Haruka. Which meant that he'd started to spend more time in the wingless angel's company.

A wingless angel.

It was a rare case, but not that unusual. Of the angel race, there were a few angels that made it to their twenties without ever developing them.

When he spends time with them, Haruka sometimes even forgets about it.

They talk as normal teenagers do. They play video games, gripe about classes and tests, hang out after school. They eat lunch together. They eat lunch on the roof, just like normal teenagers.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Shintaro's a little more irritable than usual on the roof, he fights with Takane a little more frequently.

But it's nothing out of the ordinary, right?

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

On the tenth day that Haruka had known him, he sees him stare at the sky. Just like he had the first time they'd met.

But this time he can see the look on his face. His chest constricts and he's scared for a second before he realizes that this is a pain that he doesn't know.

No, he does. No, he doesn't.

He's not sure.

But when he leaves with Takane, it doesn't go away. Not for the entire day. Not for the entire night.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

On the eleventh day that Haruka had known him, he sees Shintaro alone on the rooftop.

Standing on the ledge on the other side of the wire fence.

With nothing but air, sky and the faraway ground in front of him.

He's facing Haruka, his fingers are gripping the metal fence tightly and...Haruka can actually hear him. Hear him crying.

He hears Haruka gasp and his foot slips.

And before Haruka's horrified eyes, he falls.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x


	2. What the Devil Doesn't Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though they're growing close, there are things Shintaro shouldn't know about.

Hanged Man's Eye

Chapter 1: What the Devil Doesn't Know

Shintaro was smart and quick on his feet, though he rarely showed it. He was much better equipped at travelling though the cities of the world had grown taller, risen away from the fractured planet than it had when the humans had inhabited it. Though he was like a human in this new world of angels, as his classmates whispered, he was far from ill-equipped.

No, the downside to the situation were the angels themselves.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It's not fast enough, not fast enough.

The void of blue spreads out before his terrified eyes, behind Shintaro's back. Their fingertips touch, their hands then ripped apart.

Haruka's back aches as his wings tuck behind him in a desperate attempt to gain speed, close the distance between them.

He moves a little closer.

It has to be enough...!

With nothing stopping him from falling, drowning in this blue sky and meeting his own end on the ground below, he reaches out again and grabs Shintaro's hand.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

_My chest hurts._

_It hurts and I can't breathe._

_But my back...they_

_They hurt a lot more._

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Hi."

Shintaro's voice is quieter than usual and he's visibly uncomfortable. Haruka sets his sketchbook down, face down on the sheets. "Shintaro?" He asks, surprised.

"Tateyama-sensei told us you were in the hospital. What happened?"

"Ah, it's nothing! It's just...it happens sometimes." Haruka says with a smile but Shintaro doesn't look placated in the slightest. He just stares at him sees the way Haruka fidgets under the weight of his gaze.

It's strange. Haruka doesn't know what to do with his hands, feels uncomfortable in his own skin.

Shintaro says finally, "It's my fault, isn't it?"

Because you rescued me. The words are unsaid, but Haruka hears them loud and clear.

And with those words, he relives the sensation.

The pounding of his heart, the way the wind rushed through his hair, his clothes and out through his sleeves, the way it actually pushed against him. As if trying to save him.

His feet unsteady on the earth and the unsteady pounding of Shintaro's heart through a warm back.

And the soft sobs that finally broke free.

He can't remember who it was that cried.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Tateyama-sensei said you weren't supposed to put strain on your heart. You weren't supposed to fly."

Resentment wells up in him. Hidden behind a well-worn smile. "Yes?" Haruka says and he makes himself sound curious, innocently curious and nothing else.

"You can't...fly. Is that why you're different? To me, I mean?"

Different. He's heard that word before.

But not like this.

"Yeah."

Haruka says that with a smile that felt strangely genuine. And the roil ofemotion and within him seems to have calmed and strengthened at the same time. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm the swell and his fingers itch, his mind alight with sudden, new designs, new ideas.

"But it isn't your fault, Shintaro." Haruka continues as he picks up his sketchbook, "So don't worry, alright?"

A soft mumble.

"Hm?"

"Nothing." And Shintaro turns and leaves without another word.

A soft chuckle works its way up Haruka's throat and he makes a mental note to stay awake tomorrow afternoon.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Cursed.

That was what they called him.

Never to his face though. Haruka may have never heard the term himself if one of his relatives, his father's brother spat the term in a fit of anger.

An angel that was cursed not to fly.

Haruka was still quite young that time, so he didn't know what that meant. He did realize that it was something bad, a bad word that made a grown-up grow red and tremble.

And to this day, he wishes he had never found out what it meant.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

They talk more in the hospital room than they ever did in school.

Ayano says as much, as Takane huffs and whacks Shintaro on the head for some reason.

But Haruka could see why. He's felt more at ease inside these four white walls than he had for the past few months.

It scares him, honestly. Didn't he used to hate the very idea of being in one for long periods of time? And even now, he sees the restraint on food-bland, horrible food-as something that he couldn't help and shouldn't hate.

The visits distract him enough and on those bad days when no-one is allowed in, his mind is too caught up with the suffering of his body to even care.

He prefers the hospital visits though.

"What are you always drawing?" Shintaro asks. His pencil stills for a brief second before he replies, "Anything I can. Sometimes landscapes, sometimes people. But these days, I've got a lot of inspiration to draw my video game characters!"

"Oh, right. Konoha, the android based off of you. Did you make anyone else?"

"I made Takane's, still designing Ayano's!"

"Hrm." Haruka knows that look. Shintaro's interested.

"I made yours too!"

"Really?" Shintaro perks up at that and Haruka mentally curses his slip of the tongue. "I-it's not designed! I mean, I haven't finalized the design yet and yours is kind of different from theirs!"

"Different?"

"It's not a...uh, program."

"You mean it's different from Takane's virus, huh." Shintaro's pleased now, though his deadpan expression and blank tone don't show it. To the casual eye at least.

Haruka had grown close enough to him to recognize the difference. Or at least he thinks so.

Each time he thinks this, he feels another strange emotion rise in him. Happiness? Worry? Maybe a mixture of both.

It's a strange cocktail that seems to thrill him just a little.

And that alone makes the pain more bearable than before.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

He's gotten used to sketching in the bright light. Before it would irritate his eyes.

But he needed to finish this sketch now.

He did say that he was making Shintaro's.

But that meant he would have to show him.

The pencil stilled.

"I can't. I can't show him this."

On its page was the rough sketch of a head and torso. Hands hiding his face, save for one single eye peeking out between his fingers 

Beautiful, black wings curling around his body, brushing against his arms. Each feather, each line sketched in loving detail even through the rough lines. 

...

As beautiful as it was, Shintaro wouldn't like to see this.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used for inspiration: 
> 
> Instinct and Longing-Persona Q OST  
> The Ballad of Mona Lisa- Panic! At the Disco  
> Whataya Want from Me-Adam Lambert
> 
> Yes I'm hitting up my high school playlist you shush it helps me write ok


	3. Why the Devil Smiles.

Hanged Man's Eye  


Chapter 2: Why The Devil Smiled.

 

"Oi, Shintaro. The latest chapter of the 'Snakes and Angels' manga is out."

 

"Thanks." Is what Shintaro replies automatically before he realizes what Takane said, "...wait. What did you say?"

 "The new chapter of that crappy shoujo manga that you really like is out." Takane repeats, "Y'know. The one with the snake goddess and the tortured dark-haired ahoge-idiot protagonist. Who's all brooding and stuff and looks like every other damn person in there."

 Shintaro sputters for a bit and Takane cackles, "I can't even believe Mr. Gold-Medal-Sniper actually likes his manga with sparkle-sparkle-glitter-glitter, flowers and a shitload of pink!"

 

"Shut it! It's a good manga, is all. And at least I'm not the sore-loser-always-second-lightning princess. How you managed such a cult following is beyond me."

 

"Oh, the latest issue came out?!" Ayano interjects before Takane could retaliate, "What happened? Did he talk to the humans?!"

 "No, it's just a filler chapter of him and the girl floating around in darkness while everyone in Heaven fends off the snakes. There was gags and sad stuff and the fanbase is having a lot of conflicting feelings."

 

"I can't believe I'm hearing the word 'fanbase' coming from you." Takane mutters.

 "Shut up, lightning princess."

 "Can't you get better insults?"

 "Doesn't change the fact that you are one."

 

"Shh! You'll wake Haruka up!" Ayano says and the voices immediately quiet down, "Show me the manga too, Takane. I wanna see!"

 

"Wait, you read it too, Ayano-chan?"

 "Yeah! It's really, really good!"

 "I thought you told us to quiet down." Shintaro says.

 "You were the one being loud!"

 "Since when was I screaming about shoujo manga?"

 

"Shhhh!"

 

But Haruka could have told them that he didn't mind.

 

It wasn't like he could fall asleep anyway.

 

Not with the pain that wracked his body.

 

A steady stream of pain, throbbing under his skin with every cursed heartbeat, a constant, steady, itch that pulsed through him, his wings, his back, his lungs, his everything. He only pretends to sleep to stop himself from talking.

 Because if he tries to talk...

 

He feels a warm hand squeeze his own.

 

"...Yeah, I like that manga. So what?" Shintaro says, suddenly, "The story is pretty good. Once you get past all the sparkles."

 "And the main character is pretty interesting too!" Ayano adds, "You can never tell what he's thinking."

 "Huh? What do you mean?" Takane asks.

 

"Well..."

 

"He doesn't want to be an angel."

 

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

"You can just tell us not to visit, you know."

 

Haruka opens his eyes to see Shintaro. Sitting in the chair beside the bed. Placing Haruka's hand back onto the bed in a businesslike fashion.

 

He does all this without meeting Haruka's eyes. Not even once.

 

"Even I know you have bad days, senpai." He continues.

 Haruka smiles. It's a tired smile on his drawn, pale face. His fingers are trembling slightly, he realizes, trembling against Shintaro's hand.

"How do you feel?"

 

Haruka shakes his head slightly. Shintaro's eyes flicker towards him and then back out the window.

The awkward tension in the air was palpable. Almost solid in form.

Shintaro tries to fill the silence, but it's even stranger.

 

He doesn't talk.

 

"Did we wake you?"

Another slight shake of the head. His fingers rub at his eyes wearily, he can barely keep them open.

"Go back to sleep if you want."

  
"W...hat will you...do?"

 

Shintaro flinches.

 

Too late, Haruka realizes that he had spoken out loud.

The raspy, rattling breath of a dying man reaches, registers in his ears.

Again he feels his stomach sink, already he can taste the bile on his tongue. He tries to will the nausea away and starts a little when something suddenly blocks his line of vision. Cutting off the blinding white light above him.

"Go back to sleep." A demand, much more harsh than it needed to be, "Don't think about unnecessary things."

 

"Ah..." His skin was cold. It felt nice against his fever-wracked body, "Thanks..."

 

"And don't talk."

 

"Mm..."

"...Ever heard the story of the girl with the wishing flower?"

"...Huh?"

 

"Just a question. Well, have you heard about it or not?"

 

Haruka shakes his head, a minute movement.

 

"Not surprised. It's actually not very well-known." Shintaro sounds slightly nervous for some reason. He cleared his throat,"...Uh. Momo, my sister, she used to tell me a story when I couldn't sleep. And this isn't the same thing but..."

A warm, feverish hand placed on top of Shintaro's. A light, gentle squeeze and from underneath, an even more brittle smile. Warm and gentle and patient as Haruka always was.

"...Once upon a time, there was a poor little girl. Now she was friends with a very rich young man who was like a big brother to her..."

 

 x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

Sometimes, Haruka is not the one sleeping.

 

On rare days when Ayano and Takane have tests, Shintaro visits him alone. Haruka asks him whether he feels bored in the hospital, but Shintaro shakes his head and says he has nothing better to do. He sits in the chair a little ways away, staring at the window outside, talking to Haruka every now and then so the silence doesn't seem stifling.

Finally, he settles down in it and closes his eyes. Haruka usually takes the opportunity to go to sleep as well.

 

Today, when he wakes up, it's sunset and Shintaro was still there.

 

In the dying red of the sun, he sees him. Hunched over, Shuddering slightly, murmuring under his breath.

 

A single tear running down his cheek.

 

Haruka tries to get up but he can't. Sleep smothers his body, his lungs and his eyelids fall back down before he knows it.

When he wakes again, he sees Shintaro acting his...usual self. So far removed from the scene of the sunset that he's left thinking it was an unsettling, strangely heart-wrenching dream.

 

Somehow, he doubts it.

 

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

"Your wings are strange."

 

Haruka blinks up and looks up at Shintaro, sees him stare back with an intense look of concentration on his face.

"Huh?"

"It doesn't look like the other angel wings I've seen."

"Really?"

 

"I thought it was just in comparison to Ayano's but...they're strangely dented a bit."

 

"Dented...how?"

 

"Like...I can't really explain it." Shintaro says and he squints a little. His fingers trace some sort of angled motion, tracing out the rough shape of an angel wing, "I don't know how to. They just look slightly strange to me."

"Ah, I see! But no-one else has told me anything like that..."

"It could be my imagination." Shintaro says and he waves a hand, as if to dismiss his claim. He doesn't look convinced though.

 

Haruka looks back to his sketch warily, before he closes the book.

Sure enough, Shintaro gets up from his chair and walks up to him.

 

"...Can I touch them?"

 

"Huh?" Haruka repeats. Feeling embarrassed for some reason.

"Your wings. Can I touch them?"

"A-ah. I..."

 

His wings.

His wings.

His...

 

"I-I think that you're right about them though!" Haruka says and it sounds more like a protest than he had intended. It doesn't slip past Shintaro; he blinks and his expression reverts back to suspicion.

He doesn't say anything else though; he wordlessly extends his hand.

"W-wait, don't-!"

 

But it's too late and his fingers brush upon the thin fabric on Haruka's back before they reach for the feathery base.

 

"...!"

 

The sketchbook hits the floor and Shintaro barely manages to catch himself before he's pushed back as well.

 

"Ngh! Haruka, what-?!"

"Don't touch them!" The words come out a near scream. His heart is beating fast, too fast, it's a lead weight in a chest that scares him.

His chest heaves, straining with the effort of merely spreading his wings out. His wings that curl protectively around him, blocking him from the world outside.

 

His wings that still burned from the unexpected warmth of Shintaro's skin.

 

And Shintaro pulls his hand back, nursing his wrist like he'd been burned as well.

 

"...I'm sorry." Shintaro says curtly, "I won't do it again."

 

Even after he leaves, his wings haven't calmed down.

 

It takes a whole day for his wings to forget that strange heat.

 

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

Shintaro returns the next day with a book in hand.

 

 He slams it down on the table with unnecessary force, startling the rest of the group.

"E-eh? What the hell was that for?!" Takane snaps before she takes a look at the cover, "What's this?"

"Oh, I haven't seen this book!" Ayano says, picking it up gingerly. She takes a look at the cover and blinks, "Huh? This is different from all the books I've seen."

 

"Different?" Haruka asks. Takane peeks over Ayano's shoulder and frowns, "Eh? That...doesn't look like japanese?"

"That's because it isn't." Shintaro says simply, "It's written in English."

 

"Huh?! A book in English? What are you doing with that?!"

 

"If you'd actually scored 7o marks on your damn test like I've told you to, you'd be able to read this much." Shintaro snaps, "It's a story book. I used to read it all the time when I was a kid."

"Ehhh?! You could read all this when you were little?!" Ayano exclaims as Takane flipped through the pages.

"Oi, be careful with that! It's a pretty old book. And yes, I read this all the time when I was little." Shintaro shrugs, "Not much else to do back then."

  
"'Not much else to do'?! You read a book written in complete English for _fun_?! I thought you couldn't be more like an overachieving game protag if you tried but shit was I wrong!!"

"A what?" Shintaro squints at her.

 

"You're seriously like one of those loser protagonists from ecchi or harem games that do weird or crazy things just to get laid!"

"And you would know all about _those_ type of games wouldn't you." Shintaro snorts, "Pervert."

Takane turns bright red and was barely being held back by Haruka from ripping Shintaro a new one when Ayano interrupts, "It looks interesting! Would you mind reading it to us later?"

 

"Sure. I brought it out anyway because I wanted to read it again."

"What kinda stuff is in there anyway?"

"Fairy tales mostly. All kinds, collected from foreign lands by a pair of brothers. Apparently, they'd made it their life mission to collect whatever they could find and write it down for prosperity. Or something like that."

 

"Ooooh, that sounds really cool!" Ayano's eyes were sparkling now, "Are there stories of heroes in there?!"

 

"Er...yeah, I think. Of princes and heroes of legend fighting dragons and snakes and such."

 

"Tell me when you're planning to read it! I'll be there right away, with a notepad and pencil!"

"W-what's with that...?"

"I need new stories to tell Shuuya and the rest! Pleeeeeease?!" Ayano pleads, getting right up in his face.

 

"Ugh, fine already. It's not like I even said _no_..."

 

"Yesssss!" Ayano cheers.

 

"I wouldn't get my hopes up too high, Ayano-chan." Takane mutters, "It's not like they're guaranteed to be particularly good stories just because they're foreign. He could just have bad taste."

"Fine, I'll read one for you too. That's what you want, right?"

"Wha-no!"  Takane sputters, "I don't want to read your crappy stories at all!"

 

"Yeah, yeah."

 

"Why'd you bring it all of a sudden, Shintaro?" Haruka asks.

There's a slight pause before Shintaro answers, "I just want to brush up on my English. There are certain manuals and stuff I want to read. And, uh. I thought I'd start from something I pretty much know like the back of my hand."

"You're just showing off now." Takane says irritably, missing the way Ayano shoots Shintaro a knowing look. And Shintaro deliberately avoiding Ayano's gaze.

"Ah, I see."

 

When the girls leave, Shintaro gets up from his seat and walks up to Haruka. The first time since that awkwardly strange encounter.

 

"That story I told you...it wasn't entirely accurate."

"Hmm?"

"That one about the wishing flower. I mean, I told you what I remembered of it. But there are lots of different versions of it and this one has a different version so...if you..."

 

"Eh? If I what?"

  
"I-if you want, I can read this one. And any other story you like. I'm going to need all the practice I can get anyway, no matter how good I am at it. English is a weird language."

 

"Oh. Is that ok?"

"I just said I didn't mind." Shintaro says somewhat impatiently.

"If that's fine with you...thank you. I really liked that story." Haruka says with a smile.

 

"Yeah, I already know that."

"Eh?"

"N-Nothing. If you want I can read it to you now?"

 

"Maybe tomorrow? I'm pretty sleepy now."  
  
"Oh. I see. Ok, then tomorrow." Shintaro gets up.

"Sorry."

 

"I don't mind. But you better be awake tomorrow."

"I will! Ah...wait, are you going already?"

"Yeah. Why?"

 

"...No, I was just thinking that you'd been going home pretty early recently. Is everything ok?"

"Everything...yeah. I just thought I'd leave so you could sleep."

"O-oh, but that's ok! I don't mind you staying here."

 

Shintaro frowns, "What, you don't mind me staying here and watching you sleep? I do, especially since I sound like a pervert in this scenario."

 

"I don't think you're one! And uh, I'm just saying it's fine. And you're tired too, aren't you? From school? So why don't you take some more rest?"

"I should be saying that to you. You look like crap."

"Yeah. So we'll both take some rest!"

"You're oddly stubborn about weird stuff..." Shintaro says with a slight sigh, "But it's true that I'm kinda tired. Alright, then."

 

He sits in the chair on the opposite end of the room. Keeps his book carefully on the desk nearby and settles down into a comfortable position.

Haruka wanted to lay back too. But not yet, not yet. 

 

There was a familiar itch in his fingers again.

 

He takes out his sketchbook and flips through the pages. Stops when he reaches the very last one.

The sketch is slightly more detailed now.

With each discarded page, he sees the shadows in his eyes, the lines in his skin, the strange uncertainty in which he held himself.

 

Haruka sees the way he holds his hands, unsure. Uncertain. Shoulders slightly hunched in on themselves, as if further detailing the unseen burden upon them.

Haruka rarely draws him without the wings now. But he's changed them slightly, made them less opaque. They now resemble shadows cloaked lovingly around the boy's body, rarely stretched to full glory. As if hiding him from the world, like Haruka sees him try in real life.

 

In this sketch, his hands have found purpose, flipping through the pages of a book.  Tracing out the words of a story.

His eyes...had a strangely, gentle light. His face was relaxed. His expression caught halfway in the retelling of a childish fairytale.

What kind of expression would he have if he told a sad story? A short story, a long story, a painful story with a happy ending? Haruka didn't know.

 

All he knew was the brief, glimmering moment of a pure smile on a storyteller, lost in the world of his own tellings.

 

And that happiness looked strangely befitting on Shintaro's face.

 

Haruka shuts his book.

_I need to sleep._

He closes his eyes.

And before he falls asleep, he thinks he hears a soft murmur.

 

It sounded like a word he's never heard and he's forever said.

 

A word that tears at his heart for reasons he couldn't, shouldn't think of.

 

" _I'm sorry."_

 

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used for inspiration: 
> 
> On Little Cat Feet-Oneshot OST(for the drawing part)  
> Singularity-Vain(ft Piano by Evan Duffy)  
> Aimai Elegy-Soraru ver.


	4. Why the Devil Screams.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though they're growing close, there are still things Shintaro can't tell Haruka.

Hanged Man's Eye

Chapter 3: Why the Devil Screams.

 

Time marches on, uncaring and he traces the seconds with fingers in the air, numbers on his lips.  
  
Somewhere, he can hear the whirr of the air conditioner, see the glow of his computer on the desk. All the way across the room.  
The back of his neck is damp with sweat.

He can't go back to sleep. He shouldn't.

He feels the dread creep up on him as he sees the darkness around him, a darkness that felt as familiar to him as the back of his hand. The comforting darkness of night, with only the moon to provide some relief.

Then his eyes close and he sees a soul-crushing blackness that leaves him short of breath. He can feel his heart pounding furiously against his chest.  
  
Dark, then black, dark, then black again.

As his eyes flutter for what he fears is the last time, he sees it.

The dregs of a nightmare that's plagued his mind for god knows how long.

He curls in on himself, stifling a sob.

And closes his eyes, giving himself up to his cruel, twisted dreams.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Today's story was "The Human's Tear". It was the story of a boy and his human best friend, set in a universe of old-times and slavery.

This seemed to be one of Shintaro's favourite stories from the way he'd been talking about it. His words were slightly more rushed, his tone more excited and there was a strange glow in his eyes as he opened the book cover, tracing the edges.

"...So the human's working in the kitchen and the angel comes through the chimney covered in soot. Scares the hell out of the human, though he'd never admit it. He literally shoves some cookies in his mouth and they sneak off to the bathroom under the eyes of giggling maids, praying that the angel's mother doesn't wake up and see them."

"Did she?" Haruka asks anxiously.

"No. But apparently, his father saw some footprints that they couldn't clean up. The human took the blame himself, said that he was cleaning the chimney with his shoes on and in his rush to get ready for the party, forgot to clean his shoes."

"The human did?"

"Yeah, he didn't want the angel to get scolded on his birthday."

"That's nice of him." Haruka says with a smile.

"Not like he could ruin someone's birthday."

"He's kind. Like you."

That statement caught Shintaro off-guard; the emotion is clear as day on his face. "I...don't think a vengeful human sneaking into an angel home to kill their father is a good example for kindness, Senpai." Shintaro says and sees Haruka's eyes widen, "Yeah, spoiler alert. Sorry."

"H-he does? But weren't he and the angel friends?!"

"According to most of the adaptations for it, the angel knows about the plan only at the very end, but allows himself to be killed. He dies with a smile in his friend's arms. And after that, it's implied that the human commits suicide."

Haruka falls silent at that.

"Such a typical ending." Shintaro finishes, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"Huh?"

"It's typical anti-human propaganda. Angels are supposed to be holy men who are above temptation and irrational decisions, but these stories exist as a failsafe. They teach them at a young age to simply put, 'not be like a human'. A sinner."

"But he loved the angel in the end, didn't he?" When Shintaro remains silent, Haruka continues, "He was kind. He just..."

"Just had a bad life? Horrible circumstances?"

"Yeah?"

"You can't excuse him with that. He could've chosen to live on, not seek vengeance. Everyone has a choice."

Shintaro's gripping his own forearm now, a grip that looked tight enough to hurt.

"Everyone."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Geez, Onii-chan...where are you?" The pretty girl says as she pokes her head in the room, mouth set in a childlike pout. When she sees Haruka, she backs up a little. "O-oh, uhm! Um, sorry! I didn't mean to disturb you, I'm sorry, I'll leave you now!"

"Um...it's ok." Haruka says with a yawn, sitting up, "Were you looking for someone?"  
"Yeah, uh. Um. My big brother. He said he'd be here in this room so..." It's at this point that the pretty girl notices Shintaro in the chair by Haruka's bedside, "He's...oh."

"Ah...he's asleep again." Haruka says with a yawn of his own, rubbing his eyes, "Should I wake him?"  
"N-no, it's fine!" The girl flinches at the volume of her voice and continues in a whisper, "I didn't need him for anything urgent."

"Are you sure?"

"Y-yeah. I just...wondered where he was."

"Where he was?"

"Yeah. Usually he's back at home and locked in his room watching some weird anime or the other. Or just sulking on the bed like a protag from a bad english movie." Haruka giggles at that and the girl smiles a bit.

She's got the same uncertain, lopsided smile her brother has.

"It does sound like him." Haruka says. 

"He actually does it, which is the most pathetic part." The girl says with a snicker now, and her smile has bloomed fully, an innocent sort of look.

For some reason, Haruka thinks that he'd seen her somewhere.

"Have we met before?"

She doesn't stop smiling, but it looks quite strained now. "I, uhm. I don't think so? I've never met Onii-chan's friends before. He never had any so."

It was meant to be a joke, but for some reason the look in her eyes is oddly solemn, contemplative. 

It's strangely lonely.

Just like her brother's.

"Should I wake him up for you?"

She shakes her head quickly. "No, no. Let him sleep. He needs it." 

"Needs it?"

"Anyway, um. It was nice to meet you!"  
"You can stay if you want?"

"Huh?"

"If you're free, you can stay." Haruka says, "You can wait until he wakes up. There isn't much stuff to do here but..."

"...Ok. I will." The girl says and she smiles again, "Thank you...uhm?"

 

"I'm Kokonose Haruka! I'm a year above Shintaro right now."

"Kokonose-san...I'm Kisaragi Momo. It's really nice to meet you. And thank you for taking care of my brother!" The words are bursting with energy and a slight tremor underneath.

"I...haven't really done much to deserve thanks like that." Haruka replies, looking a little embarrassed. 

Momo looks at her brother and away from him.

"If he's able to sleep in front of you, you've done enough."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x 

He's drowning.

 

"What's he even doing here anyway?"

"Thinks no end of himself, does he?"

"What's he even good for?"

 

He looks to the side and Takane avoids his gaze.

 

He looks to his other side and Haruka has his back turned to him.

 

"Where are you looking, trash?"

 

His head is forced back in front, a painful yank on the chain on his wrists. The faceless students stare at him more. And he stares back.

 

When he's stared back a while, cruel grins grow. Cutting into the smooth expanse of flesh like scissors and paper.

He looks back down and he sees his hands have shrunk. Angry red marks on his wrists from the handcuffs.

 

"Maybe, you're just unhappy?"

"What would happen if we granted your dearest wish?"

 

_My dearest...?_

The realization hits him at the same time the punch does. Straight to the gut, it leaves him winded.

Hands grab at him with frightening strength and he's pulled, pulled ever closer towards the side of the room.

 

Towards the wall.

Towards the window.

 

And he's scared, he's scared, he's scared, someone help him, help him, help him please...!!

He's thrown against the glass, his head hurts. He's pressed against the glass.

Behind him, he sees the reflection of a small, frightened child. A child pressed back against the glass opposite of him.

 

"Tell me, little child."

"Not like you can grant it anyway."

"Why don't you tell me anyway?"

 

He sees stars, sees the blur of faces meshing together.

 

Sees Ayano's face.

 

Twisted into a sneer .

 

"Useless trash." She says and her voice is cold, colder than the glass underneath.

He's picked up again and a cry escapes him as he's thrown against the glass again. Dimly, he feels something warm trickle down the back of his head.

"Die."

And this time, the glass cracks under his weight and he falls.

His heart plummets, the air rushes past him and all he sees is blue, endless blue.

His eyes sting and his throat hurts.

 

When did he start screaming? He doesn't know.

The ground rushes up to meet him and-

**_"Shintaro!!"_ **

 

Shintaro opens his eyes again just when something pulls his arm and his heart nearly stops when he collides, but softly, with something warm.

"Are you alright?!"

 

Doesn't he know this voice?

Oh yeah, he does. It's..."Haruka?"

"Are you alright?" Haruka asks again and this time, his volume is lower. He pushes Shintaro a bit away, holds him at arm's length to look at him.

"...Eh?" Shintaro can't...see him.

 

His form is blurred, like he's trying to see through fogged glass. Then he realizes the fresh warmth on his cheeks.

Ah.

"Tea...rs?"

Was his voice hoarse? The screaming...?

Haruka confirms his suspicion, "When I woke up, I heard you crying. Pleading something...you quieted down, so I thought your dream had ended, but then I heard you..." He trails off. Shintaro blinks to try to clear his eyes.

They itch slightly.

 

"Sorry..."

"Huh?"

"You were sleeping..."

"Ahhh, no no no! It's no problem!" Haruka says and his voice is loud again. Shintaro's head hurts.

 

"Heh..."

"Eh? Shintaro?"

"It's nothing."

"...What were you dreaming about?"

"The same old thing. I'm surprised it still has an effect on me."

 

"You have nightmares like these often?"

Was it his imagination? Haruka doesn't sound all too surprised.

"Yeah."

"I see."

Shintaro stiffens when Haruka wraps his arms around him again.

"...Do you feel better?"

"It feels weird."

 

"Sorry! I just thought...whenever I used to have nightmares, my mom used to do this."

 

"...I didn't say it felt bad." Shintaro sighs. He doesn't hug back but he does lean into the touch, "My head is killing me."

"What happened? In your nightmare?"

"Just a bad memory."

"Bad enough to make you..."

"Scream? Yes." Shintaro's rare smile shows, sad, self-loathing. "It wasn't like I had an easy childhood or anything. I thought that would be obvious."

 

"From childhood?"

 

Shintaro groans and his body sags a bit, "Shit. My head hurts so bad...I shouldn't have skipped those many nights."

"You couldn't sleep for that long?!"

"Not like I had a choice."

Haruka falls silent, like he's thinking something over. Finally he nods to himself and says, "Alright!"

 

"What?"

 

And kisses Shintaro on the forehead.

 

The action is sudden, but the kiss lingers.

 

Haruka pulls back and it's with a shaky voice that Shintaro demands, "W-what are you doing?!"

"Eh? This is a charm that my mother uses. To make sure I don't have bad dreams." Haruka explains, nonplussed...until he sees the blush on Shintaro's face.

"That's...it's weird! Don't do things like that so suddenly!"

"Why?"

 

"I...a-are you seriously asking me that?!" Shintaro ducks his head and sigh is long and drawn, his body is tense.

"Shintaro?"

Clumsy fingers on the boy's chin, a sharp intake of breath.

"Don't look at me!" Shintaro yells. His face is a mess of tears and red.

 

It looks beautiful.

 

Another kiss on his forehead, but this one lingers. Brushes against his skin, his hair stuck with sweat.

Tastes the salt of his sweat.

When he draws back, he feels a slight tremor in the fingers that cling to his sleeves and the unsteady rhythm of Shintaro's breathing.

"Do you hate it?" Haruka says, voice no higher than a whisper.

 

"...! Ugh, just..."

"Just?"

"S-shut up! Is this your idea of a joke?!"

"No. It's not a joke."

 

The look that Shintaro gives him is of both rage and helplessness. They're so close now.

Close enough for Haruka to feel the warmth of Shintaro's body and the fast pace of his heartbeat.

A pace that matches his own.

A clumsy, warm thumb traces Shintaro's lips.

"Haruka..." Shintaro sounds a bit panicked now, his breath hot on Haruka's skin.

"You don't want to?"

Warm breath, hot. Almost unbearably so.

  
But there's no words.

 

His skin is soft under his lips and his hair tickles his fingertips.

 

The kisses are chaste, they taste sweet.

 

Or what Haruka could remember of them, at least.

 

Until they were lost to the fire under their skin, the cherry on their tongues and the pacing of their heartbeats.

 

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all wanted harushin kisses, you're gonna get harushin kisses
> 
> this aint over tho. farrrrr from it. 
> 
> you're in for quite a ride, lovely reader~
> 
> Songs used for inspiration:
> 
> This is Gospel: Panic! At the Disco  
> Alternative Energy: Jacobsparrow  
> No More Rain: Jacobsparrow
> 
> Thanks for the read!


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